The Goldilocks of Restaurants

The storefront is plain and unassuming - just like their food! Indoors is about the same, and their placemats go well with the look of the coleslaw.

I am fully aware that the title to this article is a bit bizarre. For the most part, I am aware of the things I write being somewhat bizarre in general. Today as I was thinking about where to eat, the first place I went was closed too early. The second place I tried was open too late. The last place I went was open JUST right. Really, I could have gone plenty of places that would have fit this Goldilocks reference, but the restaurant I ultimately ended up at was perfectly fine and seemed focused on value and comfort foods – the proverbial “just right” that Goldilocks always seemed to seek right before being chased off by bears.

The Smokehouse is a place I assumed would have a lot of smoked meats and cheeses and mostly be focused on sandwiches. My assumption was wrong. The restaurant itself smelled mostly like Lysol, which was clean but I am not sure if that is the kind of smell I look for when sitting down to eat. It definitely is not as tantalizing as the smell of smoked meats.

Overall, the menu is filled with comfort foods. Hamburgers, grilled cheese, BBQ, standard breakfast fare. The thing I was most amazed about were the prices. I got a number of things and still my bill was right at $10. Value seekers will be quite pleased with getting the best bang for their buck.

The decor is basic. When I visited, The Smokehouse was all decked out for St. Patrick’s Day with little leprechauns on tables, shamrocks on walls and green throughout. Unfortunately, their dining area is one big brick room that lacks a lot of character. When you first walk in, there is bar style seating in another section that seemed a little more homey, and it seems the restaurant must do a lot of take-out from signs that state rules about ordering and needing to take the food elsewhere if you come in for take out. I am not sure why that particular rule is there. I mean, if you order take out the very nature of the term “take out” means you do not plan on staying, right?

The condiment-less Salmon Cake Sandwich along with cheese fries, followed by meringue-o-licious coconut cream pie!

I started my meal with coleslaw. My last coleslaw experience was horrid, and this was better than what is offered at the Capitol Food Court. But it is times like this where I realize I am a connoisseur. It comes out in strange places for me, so why not in coleslaw? This recipe was plain and seemed to need something extra. Perhaps some more pepper, and maybe the slight horseradish taste was a bit too much for me, but it was just okay – edible but nothing exciting.

The salmon cake sandwich was BORING. Seriously, I could have just gone to any seafood department of a grocery store, bought salmon burgers, toasted one and put it on the bun and it would be exactly the same as what they did here. In fact, I am almost certain that is what they DID do. There were zero condiments on the sandwich, no lettuce, no tomato, no mayo. I thought about asking for some, but settled for some ketchup (which was not chilled, for those of you who have read about me liking that for reasons unknown).

The cheese fries were basically made by slopping some plain nacho cheese on top of fries. Again, very plain and nothing exciting by any stretch of the imagination – although I suppose having cheese on them allowed me to add a little something extra to my bland sandwich.

I decided to finish up with dessert, which is not common for me. They have a number of pies, and I do enjoy coconut, so the coconut cream pie slice was placed in front of my eyes soon after mentioning it to my waitress. It was heavy on the meringue, but was pretty tasty overall.

Now in reading my review, it might seem that I did not like my experience at The Smokehouse. However, when I consider the bulk of what I got for $10, it was an excellent deal that was filling even if it was a boring meal that could have used a little more imagination from the chefs. Oh, and they had a Word Find as a placemat, where I managed to find my own words instead of the ones they wanted me to find. I am such a rebel – just like Goldilocks – but I don’t break and enter like she does and bears did not chase me out of the restaurant. I almost wish they had cause that would have made for a much more interesting tale.

Word Finds are awesome when you find your own words.

I’d rate a little lower. It is a great place for cheap eats, but you get exactly what you pay for – and if I am going out to eat, I’d prefer to pay a bit more to get tastier food.

Shoney’s Thanksgiving Special

If a restaurant is judged by its cover, then Shoney's is typical American dinner style food. Wow - that is exactly what they are too!

I am thankful Shoney’s was open today. I had planned out a Chinese food orgy with tons of shrimp and rice, but that has had to be delayed until Christmas,  because the place I was going ended up being closed.

It was all good, though, because today was a beautiful day for walking and biking around Charleston. The temperature was in the mid-70s and except for the bare trees, it could have been a nice spring day!

Riding my bike around town was interesting because due to Thanksgiving, the city was very quiet. I thought that any moment zombies were going to jump out of surrounding buildings and attack. It was almost eerie. That will, of course, be made up tomorrow during the crazy Black Friday rushing that happens due to crazy shoppers excited about saving $10 on an item they could get any other time of the year.

Not that I have a problem with holidays. I just don’t have anything specific to do on them. All my family is in Oregon, and tomorrow I will be hanging out with a friend and have some more traditional Thanksgiving fare, but today I was going to see what sort of place I could visit to write about.

There were more places closed than were open, however. I finally found that there was at least one restaurant open in Kanawha City, so I decided to ride over the bridge and go to the first place that I found open, whether it was that restaurant in question or another I had not visited.

It turns out that the first restaurant open was Shoney’s, although I almost walked out when I was seated initially with nothing more than a Thanksgiving buffet note. For those who have read my posts before, you might recall that I am a really bad meat eater and a very bad vegetarian. I am a pescatarian – fish, veggies, milk, eggs but no beef, chicken, turkey, pork or other meat (although I tried alligator once – I figured it was more seafood than anything else).

The first frame shows the busy and hungry crowd at the buffet line, then my salad that I constructed at a small edge of the feeding troth, my fish without their chips look a bit sad and then the amazingly awesome spinach artichoke dip with warm chips!

So I got up to go but then was informed that I could order anything off the menu. I settled on fish and chips with a twist. But I got my drink to begin, and asked for a raspberry iced tea.

This was the start of me being a bit of a high maintenance diner. I took a sip and it was almost pure syrup with a small bit of water added only because someone thought it had to be done. Wow, it was sugary! I had to send it back and get plain water instead. Needless to say, if you are into highly sugary sweet syrup drinks, you are in for a treat – otherwise pick something else!

When I ordered a side salad, I was pleased to hear there was a salad bar I could fill up at. I love places like Ruby Tuesdays specifically for their salad bar options. Shoney’s selection was a bit lacking, but it was still enough to choose from that I managed to get a pretty decent salad and even a bit of bland macaroni salad on the side.

When my fish arrived, Mr. High Maintenance got it without the onion rings on the side, leading to a slightly lonely pile of fried fish, but it was quickly resolved until I had to then ask for ketchup.

I apologized to my friendly waitress for my ongoing issues, and she was gracious throughout the process, which was nice considering all the people flooding the place.

So, when I went to eat the fish, I was a bit disappointed. It was serviceable as far as fish goes, but I like a bit of spice and flavor in the batter, and there was almost none here. The onion rings were not good at all – basically just plain breading and onions and neither very tasty.

This would have been a fail of a meal if it were not for the AMAZING spinach artichoke dip I ordered that came with warm fries. The fries were absolutely perfect! Thinly sliced, many soft, many crispy lightly salted. And the dip was delicious and had big chunks of artichoke and cheese. If I would have ordered three of them my meal would have been perfect.

I sat waiting for a bit after finishing, hoping I would get to see a dessert menu, maybe have some pumpkin pie to finish things up – but instead it seemed that their setup involves setting your ticket under a plate to take up to the cashier. It took me awhile before noticing another diner looking at his bill and walking away with it. Otherwise I may have been still sitting there staring at other diners.

So, since I did not get dessert and decided not to ask for some, I decided to ride my bike around Charleston to see if I could find someplace to get a nice icy coffee drink. However, consistent with my comment above, zombies obviously do not work on Thanksgiving, and neither do coffee shops. So, I did what any good American would do – I stopped by Rite Aid for some ice cream and other things needed for a coffee drink, and went home and made one of my own.

It was delicious! And full of Thanksgiving cheer! I hope all of you out there had an excellent Thanksgiving yourselves, and a special shout out to Shoney’s! You may not have the best food, but you have pretty nice staff, awesome chips and dip, and are kind enough to be open for people like me looking for someplace to go during a holiday.

This is the result of my making my own drink. It has french press coffee, ice cream, ice, and magic. Magic means that certain adult beverages were used in its creation. It was tasty, icy and wonderful!

This is a pretty fair rating. Overall, it was pretty bland – but I rate Shoney’s as a “like” mostly on the merit of that spinach artichoke dip alone.